0 Hola Arepa - Minneapolis, MN

D.Rough and I had random reasons to celebrate, so we decided to hit up a place we've been meaning to go to for months. Hola Arepa in Uptown. It was a Friday night, so we knew there was going to be a wait, but we were up for it - especially since they had a bar there. The host told us it would be about 30 minutes.

We put our name in and headed to the bar. As we were walking up, the people sitting there were leaving and told us to take their spot. We sat down and proceeded to look at the drink menu - soooooo many delicious sounding drinks. Apparently, these folks are known for their creative cocktails. All of them contain bitters, which I'm not a huge fan of, but I am able to order drinks without bitters like a grown ass man, so we're all good.

I ordered an El Camino Rojo and D.Rough ordered a Cortez The Killer. We watched the drink expert make these ridiculously expert-level drinks and were pretty impressed. These drinks were strong. REALLY strong. And delicious, thankfully. We both liked the Cortez The Killer better, but both were super tasty. This also gave us time to check out the food menu so we were ready when we sat down at our table.

We ran into some friends, like you do in Uptown, and chatted the time away. We also ordered two more drinks. I opted for the Jolly Poltergeist and D.Rough got the Southerly Pariah - again, both were incredibly strong. To the point of weavy-ness. This time, I ordered the winning drink (the Jolly Poltergeist)(again, without bitters).

It was just over 30 minutes when the host called our name and sat us at a table being served expertly by Bryce - a fellow long-haired bearded gentleman. We were already leaning towards a couple of appetizers and finally decided on the Vigoron appetizer - steamed yuca, roasted pork, citrus-cabbage slaw, pico de gallo, and chicharron on a banana leaf. After a few questions, I ordered an arepa with roasted pork and sweet potatoes and D.Rough ordered the arepa with shredded beef and plantains. If you don't know what arepas are, you're missing out. They're sort of a taco-like hand food. Picture a circular cross between a pita and an english muffin, but made out of corn meal. Then stuff it with all kinds of different ingredients (mainly the kinds of things you would put in a fancy taco) like lettuce, shredded beef/pork, black beans, onions, and other things.

The Vigoron came out and we were extremely excited for this crazy thing. It was a mound of shredded pork with some other fun things to dip the pork rinds into. Seriously this thing was worth fighting over. I was very surprised both at how large it was and also how delicious it was. I'm glad we decided on this for an appetizer.

The arepas came out just after we finished our appetizer. And I'll be honest, it was really difficult to tell which one was better.

The shredded beef was had fantastic cumin flavor and the sweetness of the plantains really cut through. The cotija cheese flavor also came through brilliantly. I was really surprised how good this thing was.

The roasted pork arepa with sweet potato was also fantastic. The green onion aioli was extremely mild and complemented the roasted pork very well. Just the right amount of sweet potato so as not to be overpowering.

The yuca fries that came with our areas were wonderful. I got the chimichurri dip and D.Rough got the aioli verde dip. Again, we couldn't decide which one was better - we loved them both.

I'll be honest, I expected to just think this place was "o.k.". I was totally wrong about it. The place is wonderful. I know there are competing arepa restaurants in the Twin Cities that are cheaper, but the arepas at Hola are much larger, more full of ingredients, and are more filling. One arepa is more than enough here, especially if you get one of their enormous appetizers (which I would recommend).

Top 5 things about Hola Arepa
1. Vigoron
2. Shredded beef and plantain arepa
3. Roasted pork and sweet potato arepa
4. Delicious cocktails
5. Both the chimichurri dip and the aioli verde dips for the yuca fries

Bottom 5 things
1. You're going to wait in line, especially in the winter when the patio is closed. There's a really good reason they're as busy as they are
2. The bartender, who is an absolute wizard, is leaving Hola Arepa to start his own distillery!!!!
3. You're going to want everything on the menu
4. I've heard people call it "Holla" arepa. Those people are idiots
5. If you don't like bitters, order your fancy drinks without them - it's that easy

www.holaarepa.com

Detail: Hola Arepa - Minneapolis, MN

0 Cempazuchi Comida Brava – Milwaukee, WI

D.Rough and I had seen one of the Food Channels cover this awesomely lively Mexican restaurant in Milwaukee and had filed it away for future reference. When people asked us where to go, D.Rough suddenly remembered Cempazuchi. I’m sooo glad she did.

The inside is decorated in crazy awesome garish bright colors that make you smile even when you don't want to and it even has decorations made specifically for us (or so we assume): Luchadore masks and jammer helmets. Hahahaha.

The margarita special of the day was pineapple mango, so a bunch of us went in on a pitcher. That’s how you play this game! Also, this place has hundreds of tequilas in stock and can make you any kind of margarita with any kind of tequila you can think of. Get adventurous!

Bam. Margaritas.

The menu had a lot of authentic dishes on it. You can find the standards like tacos, tostadas, and burritos, but you have to look hard and read the fine print. My advice, go with something authentic and delicious sounding, or have your server suggest something. Ours was fantastic. I decided on the Tacos al Pastor de Pato (duck tacos): wrapped in blue corn tortillas and topped with tropical salad salsa. D.Rough got the Enchilada Oaxaquenas: tortillas stacked with filling and a red chile salsa, chicken, and pork.

They brought us some chips and salsa, but not standard salsa. One was a chili pepper-garlic salsa with some kick, the other was a sesame seed and peanut salsa. The chili one started out my favorite, but then it switched to the sesame seed one. Really very unique and delicious. You will be asking for more of this.

The food was pretty awesome. I heard this from almost everyone. The Duck Tacos were some of the best version of duck I’ve had in years. It was very moist and seasoned and served on very small blue corn tortillas. I thought I’d be disappointed with the small size fo these, but I honestly wasn’t. It was just the right portion size for the delivery of this amazing duck. And the vibrant and spicy almost-fruit-salad salsa was great. The blue corn has a very distinct corn flavor, but not overwhelming – I just loved these, honestly.

D.Rough’s Enchiladas Oaxaquenas were also very good. The shredded pork and chicken were a great match for the rich red salsa (not spicy, just rich and smoky and tasty). It was filling, but thankfully, it wasn’t a massive portion – just about right (at least right enough that I still got some left-overs hahaha).

I heard a "meh" from the corner of the table that got the torta, but that's the only downside I heard.
But, the winner of the day was Second-Hand Smoke’s Arracheras en Chile: basically a skirt steak in a chili sauce with some other veggies. After having a bite of her dish, I knew she had won the champion of the world for ordering this day. The meat was falling-apart-tender and the flavor was some of the best I’ve ever had. It was brilliant. Order this when you go there. You’ll be glad you did.

And a huge massive thank-you to Mama Smoke, who bought us all lunch, when she absolutely didn’t have to. She’s one of the coolest people in roller derby I know and we will continue to make sure to include her in as much as possible on these road trips. She’s the proud mother of one of the top derby skaters in the world and she’s one of our gang – we’re really happy to have them both!!!

Top 5 things about Cempazuchi Comida Brava
1. Arrecheras en Chile
2. Tacos al Pastor de Pato
3. Enchiladas Oaxaquenas
4. Pineapple Mango Margaritas
5. Our server and his trust sidekick, Don, were wonderful to us

Bottom 5 things
1. Aside from it not being next door to my house, I’m hard-pressed to find any downside
2.
3.
4.
5.

www.cempazuchi.com

Detail: Cempazuchi Comida Brava – Milwaukee, WI

0 First Boozy Shakes Of The Summer – Minneapolis, MN

A bunch of thought we’d get together and celebrate Minnesota’s passing of the Same-Sex Marriage Bill – something our awesome friends feel quite strongly about. People were encouraged to bring their favorite booze and favorite milkshake toppings/ingredients to a little outdoor grill party session our friend Marg-a-que was hosting.

I thought I should keep mine simple. I threw a little Cherry Pie liqueur in with some vanilla ice cream and dumped in a metric crap-ton of rainbow nerds (the official nerd of the marriage amendment, obviously).

Threw in some ice cream and milk and hit GO on the blender. It was awesomely delicious.

…

And so was the second one…

I was witness to some of the most awful combinatinos of thigns I think I have ever seen at this event, however. Bourbon-caramel-fudge-cloves-sea salt may or may not have been made, among other monstrocities. I'm glad I kept it tame.


Cheers to you, Minnesota! I’m anxiously awaiting some fabulous weddings in the near future.
 

Detail: First Boozy Shakes Of The Summer – Minneapolis, MN

0 Las Mojarras – Minneapolis, MN

Some friends were having a double birthday party and thought they’d invite everyone they know to go out to dinner and then some drinks. Of course I was in, especially when I found out it was a place I hadn’t been before. Despite Las Mojarras being a small village in Argentina, Las Mojarras was like no Mexican restaurant I’ve ever been to. It’s a one-stop-shop for all your banquet/wedding/dining needs. Even before I get to the food, I’ll explain what this place has going on – it’s a lot.

First off, there is a dining room – pretty standard for a restaurant, I suppose. It’s straight forward, but there are some televisions and a SERIOUS sound system for karaoke. Which is a pretty big deal at Las Mojarras.

Then there’s a larger dining space with room to move long tables around in a banquet-style reception area. This was where we were seated. I’m not sure who booked the room, but when we told them there would be 20+ people, they pulled out all the stops. They put white seat covers on all the chairs and bows and table settings and fancy napkins. They were quite serious about us having a professional experience at their place. In fact, we were all pretty impressed. I had hoped no one told them it was a small wedding or something inaccurate. Just a nice birthday party.

Then there’s a serious bar. Plenty of tequilas and Mexican beers for us to drink. And they do make a strong margarita. I forgot to take a photo of the giant fish tank, but believe me, you can’t miss it.

Ok, enough with the standard restaurant-y things.

There’s a small stage – we’re not sure if it’s for puppet shows for the kids or dramatic renderings of community theater. But it’s there.

In the back of the place, there’s a Frida Kahlo-themed hair salon. Yes, I said hair salon. It looks like they’re doing some renovations in that area, but I’m sure it will be open soon.

There’s a huge glassed-off enclosure that I can only explain as a display case for potential wedding setups. There are multiple full size tables set up with place settings and fine china with bolts and bolts of different cloth patterns and colors. Different candelabras and table centerpieces, and tons of other things you might need for a large banquet. All set up for you to sit down and see if you enjoy it. And all hermetically sealed and cordoned off. Now we know why we got the royal table treatment for our riff-raff group.

And the Pièce de résistance: the Virgin Mary Breathalyzer. You read that correctly. It will cost you a dollar (in quarters), and you’ll need your own straw. But since they mix their drinks strong here, I’m guessing people utilize this machine more than you might think. Absolutely awesome. Both Mary and the Breathalyzer are fully functional.

Now I’ll get to the food.

The chips and salsa were better than average. Pretty good (and mild) salsa and thick cut tortilla chips with just enough salt. I was happy with this, even though we didn’t have a very quick turnaround on the refills of these. We were sitting and looking at empty bowls much more than we were eating chips. Bummer.

The menu is about average (both in number of items and prices). There were a lot of seafood dishes – which makes sense since Mojarras are fish – and plenty of other things for non-seafood eaters. I found a few things I wanted and finally decided on a Chimichanga. Normally, I want something more adventurous than this bastardized American version of a burrito, but it still rang a bell in my head and eventually won out.

I know we were a large group, but I didn’t think it was large enough to warrant the time it took to serve us. We were served individually over the space of about 35-40 minutes. No lie. The person next to me was half way done with hers before mine entrée came out. The person across from me was the last one served and everyone had finished eating. Some of us sat around after other people had left since he was still eating his dish. A LONG time to wait (especially without chips being refilled to snack on in the meantime.

The food was generous – very large portions. My chimichanga was one of the largest I’ve had around here and was decent. The chopped beef on the inside was cooked, but didn’t seem to be seasoned very well. It was fine, but I thought there would be more. A few of us asked for more salsa (since it wasn’t being refilled at the tables) so we could add some dimension of flavor that was missing. It wasn’t BAD or anything, it just was a little bland – even by Minnesotan standards. I was kind of bored with my dish about ¾ of the way through, but I kept eating since the guy across from me was eating by himself at that point. Solidarity, my man. The rice and beans and guacamole were all just ok. Maybe I should have gotten something more adventurous. I’m not sure if I can chalk this one up to ordering error or not. Maybe.

And on the speed front, it took us over 25 minutes to pay for our meals. I’m not sure if it was a computer oddity, but we had to pay in order of placing our order. If you ordered last, you had to wait for everyone else to pay first. I’m not sure why, since we all had separate checks in our hands, but that’s just how it happened. So the server would grab our bill and credit card/cash, go in back and ring it up, and walk back out a few minutes later. There were 20 of us and it took forever. Sorry to complain about this – I usually don’t, but there were a lot of comments about it from everyone. Thankfully, we had the awesomeness of the main dining room karaoke to tide us over while we waited.

Average food and slow service remind me I have a ton of other Mexican restaurants to try before I head back here. Based on some other reviews, this might not be an unusual experience.

Top 5 things about Las Mojarres
1. Atmosphere – this place has it
2. Chips and salsa
3. Drinks were strong
4. Sooooo much awesome in one building – Breathalyzer Mary, salon, wedding display case, etc.
5. Staff were very nice

Bottom 5 things
1. Speed of service
2. Chimichanga was bland, as were a few other people’s dishes
3. Billing issues
4. We sat there long enough waiting to pay that no one even needed to use the Breathalyzer
5. There were some portion discrepancies at the bar with the size of comparable drinks. Some people got smaller glasses – visibly – and paid the same amount

Las Mojarres
1501 E. Lake Street
Minneapolis, MN 55407

Detail: Las Mojarras – Minneapolis, MN